


I Can't Remember The Good Old Days

by orphan_account



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, M/M, start-off straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 01:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two weeks of being in a coma wasn't that bad, the problem was not remembering almost a whole year of his life, but the worst part was realizing all his friends now hated him, including Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

He slowly opened his eyes, instinctively taking his arm up to shield his face from the excessive light. His arm felt incredibly heavy and he could barely moved his legs. He suddenly feels cold and tried to pull his blanket up, but something tugs at his wrist. That makes him panic and quickly looks to his side and not only notices the transfusion thing on his wrist, but he also realizes that he's not on his bed, or in his room. He's not even in his house. The room is white and so are the bed sheets; there were two doors and the room was pretty small. It didn't take much for him to notice he was at the hospital. He started looking around for something that looked like a button. Hospital rooms normally have a thing that's used to call the nurse, right? He finally found it and pressed various times, feeling more and more frustrated as the minutes passed.   
   
A nurse came in running and stared at him for a few seconds before grinning widely. "You're up!" She exclaimed happily. He meant to say 'Of course I'm fucking awake, now, would you care to explain why the fuck I'm here?' But he was coughing as soon as the first syllable came out. His throat felt dry and his voice unused. The girl quickly ran out the small hospital room and came back in in no time with a glass of water. She handed it to his and he drank it all in one go. Water had never felt so good. He took a big breath before he tried saying something once again. "Why am I here?" He asked and the young nurse looked at him with apologetic eyes. "Honey, what's the last thing you remember?" She asked softly. It was kind of comforting. "Uhm... I remember going to my friend's house to hang out..." He said, looking lost and confused. "And when do you think that happened?" She continued with the interrogation. "Yesterday?" even though he was almost sure that happened the day before, the nurse's expression and questions made him doubt. She sighted "Do you, by any chance, remember the exact date?". He shook his head no. The girl nodded and ran outside to talk to another nurse. "Call Lisa and Matt, tell them he woke up" he heard her say. "He woke up?! It didn't last much apparently... Any loss?" The other nurse asked. "I'm still not sure, I need to call Dr.O'Callaghan so he can ask him everything they need to know... He's a lucky boy, not many people would even survive".    
   
The nurse came back in, smiling at him "My name is Taylor, but you can call me Tay, I'm gonna be your nurse... Now, I know you must be getting sick of my questions, but you had quite a fall and we need to make sure everything's fine with your brain, okay?" He nodded. "Okay, so... What's your full name?" "Alexander William Gaskarth" he answered, watching her write it on a paper. "Birth date?" "December 14, 1987" she nodded, writing it on a paper. She asked a few basic stuff, like social security number and id, she told him that the doctor was going to ask him more questions in a while.  
  
"YOU'RE UP!" someone nearly yelled from the door, startling him. "Shhhh!" many nurses and doctors hissed, making Taylor chuckle. "Calm down, honey, you don't even know his name" she said, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Right… What's your name?" she asked, looking way too happy. "A-Alex… sorry, but, uhm, who are you?" he asked shyly. "I'm Lisa, I'm the one who brought you to the hospital… and Matt, but he isn't here yet" Alex just nodded, slowly processing everything. "You're all exclaiming how I woke up… exactly, how many time have I been asleep?" he was scared of the answer, but who wouldn't? "About… two weeks" Tay answered him and he sighted in relief. Being in a coma for two weeks wasn't a good thing, but he was expecting for her to say three years or some shit. He wondered why any of his friends were there. He concluded that the hospital didn't know who he was, therefore, they couldn’t call any of his loved ones.  
  
Another nurse came in with a tray filled with food. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. He thanked her and started eating, not even caring how disgusting and desperate he looked. He had been eating through a tube for two weeks, for fuck's sake, he was allowed to enjoy his real food. "And… What date is today?" he asked with his mouth full. Tay made a disgusted face, but giggled anyway "May 20th." Alex's eyes got wide and he started choking, desperately reaching for the glass of water. Tay was helping him stop coughing and Lisa was staring at him worriedly. "What year?" he asked, still coughing slightly, "2013" both girls answered at the same time. Tears started falling before he could stop them. "2013… it's been… I don't… fuck" he rambled, burying his face in his hands. Lisa moved next to him and rubbed his back, trying to comfort him. "I've forgotten a whole year" he finally mumbled, wiping the tears.


	2. Things Have Changed

"Are you sure it’s the correct number?" Matt asked, sighting loudly. "Yes I'm sure!" Alex exclaimed, dialing the number again for the twentieth time. "Alex, you don't have a single memory for the last year, maybe your head messed up the number?" Tay said, trying to sound as soft and calm as she could, but Alex already felt way too frustrated. "It's the correct number, okay?! I know it’s the right one, he's had the same one for like 9 years!" he almost yelled, giving up and throwing the phone. Matt stood up quickly and picked it up, checking it hadn't broken. Alex hugged his knees and groaned. "Hey, maybe someone stole his phone and he had to change it, okay? It's no big deal, I'll take you to his place…" Matt offered, smiling at him. Alex tried to calm down and nodded, smiling back at him. "Thanks Matty, I would've gone crazy if it wasn't for Tay, Lisa and you… I owe you guys" he said and Tay laughed "You don't owe me shit, Gaskarth, this is my job anyway." Alex chuckled and shrugged. "Well, let's get going then… Alex, you ready?" Matt asked, already getting up from where he was sitting. The younger boy sighted and nodded, getting up and grabbing his only bag (the one with the clothes he was wearing when he was interned in the hospital and some papers explaining his condition). He gave a quick hug to Tay and left the room, following Matt out.

~~~

  
"Alex, clam down, we'll go to your friend's house and ask him where you live, okay?" Lisa said, trying to calm him down. After picking up Lisa from her place, they drove to Alex's apartment complex, or at least where his apartment used to be. Apparently, he moved away and he had no idea where he lived. Who wouldn't be scared? "You do remember where this Jack kid lived, right?" Matt asked and Alex nodded, taking deep breaths and giving Matt the directions.  
  
He couldn't help but to smile when he saw the familiar porch. "This is it" he said, and Matt parked in front, patting his back "Lisa and I will be here, okay?" Alex nodded and ran out, barely grabbing his small bag. He was already grinning when he got to the door. He had no idea why he felt so happy about seeing Jack, but they were best friends after all and he couldn't call him while he was in the hospital. He knocked and waited, glancing back at the car where Matt and Lisa were chatting. Finally, someone opened, but it wasn't Jack, it was some random girl he didn't recognize. He started panicking, fearing that maybe Jack had moved. "Uhm… is this the Barakat residence?" he asked, trying to sound as polite as he could. She nodded and frowned, "Are you looking for Jack?" she asked, and Alex's grin came back in no time, as he nodded eagerly. He glanced back at the car, making signs at Matt to tell him that it was the right house and that he could leave. "Jack! Someone's here looking for you!" the girl yelled, disappearing into the living room. There was a groan coming from upstairs and then there were footsteps. Alex quickly took the hospital papers out of his bag, thinking that maybe it would be easier explaining everything that happened that way. Jack was clearly just waking up, with his hair all messed up and sweatpants, no shirt.  
  
He glanced at the living room, mumbling a small "Morning honey" and smiling sweetly, but everything went down hill as soon as his eyes settled on the door. "Alex?" he said, practically emotionless. Clearly he and Alex didn't share the same amount of happiness. Alex just shrugged it off and convinced himself it was because he woke him up. "Hey Jacky!" Alex exclaimed happily, giving him a big smile, "Sooo… I just kinda wanted to ask you something, and I know it will sound weird but-" he started, but was cut short by Jack. "Why are you here?" he spat, staring at Alex with a disgusted face. Alex stared at him, feeling amazingly hurt. Jack never snapped at him, not even kidding. "I… uhm… I just wanted to ask for a small favor, but… uhm…" he looked down, trying to find his words. "Alexander, why would you even consider I would do you a favor, huh? I don't even know how you even dared to come here and be all  _Jacky I need help_ … do you actually believe I was going to help you? I don't care if you got in trouble with fucking drug dealers or whatever, learn to deal for yourself" he huffed, forcing out a laugh. Alex did his best not to cry. This couldn't be happening, Jack was his best friend ever, they were nothing without each other… right? "You know, I am happy now, you should fuck off… bye Alex, and don't  **ever**  come back" and before he knew it, the door was shot closed, nearly hitting him. The shock was too much, he couldn't even cry. He turned around and slowly walked off, trying to process everything that just happened.  
  
He walked for what seemed like hours (although, judging by the places and houses around him, he knew that only around 5 minutes had passed) until he saw other house he recognized and actually dared to knock on the door. He hesitated a little before knocking, if Jack hated him, probably other people did as well, he had to be careful. "Alex?" Austin said, staring at him in disbelief. "Y-yeah… I know it will sound weird and all, but did I gave you my new address?" he asked, sounding small, confused and obviously hurt. "I think you did… I'll just have to look for it, uh are you okay?" Austin asked, not really knowing what to do. Alex shook his head yes and forced a smile "Yeah, don't worry… I'm just perfect." The older was gone for a few seconds, and came back with a small piece of paper. "Here you go… need anything else?" Alex thought about the offer and nodded "Do you have Zack's and Ran's numbers?" Austin looked at him confused for a few seconds before sighting and writing down the numbers from his phone. "Thanks Austin, I owe you one… bye" he turned and left, not leaving any time for Austin to say bye back.


	3. Don't Hang Up

He walked around until he found a pay phone and dialed Zack's phone number first. "Hello?" Zack answered, and his voice made Alex feel a little calmer. "Zack! Zack… it's Ale-" but he couldn't even finish his sentence before Zack hung up. He didn't want to believe he hung up, he mentally pleaded that it was a mistake, that Zack didn't mean it. So, he tried again, and again, and again, until Zack finally answered, but it wasn't exactly a very pleasant conversation. "Stop calling me" he hissed and hung up. That's when he broke down. The phone slipped from his and he fell on his knees, sobbing into his hands. He didn't want to call Matt or Lisa, they had done enough already and he didn't actually know them, they only took him to the hospital when he entered the comma and spent time with him during the week that he was awake.  
  
Now that he actually thought about it, he realized that only Matt and Lisa visited him at the hospital. He was gone for three weeks and no one even reported him to missing persons.  
  
Once he calmed down a little and he slowly stood up. Trembling, he took the phone once again and this time dialed Rian's number. He was still sniffling and shaking, and was barely able to hold the phone to his ear. "Hello?" He answered and it was hard for Alex to even start talking. "Hello? Anyone there?" Rian repeated, and Alex barely coughs what he supposed it was Cass asking who it was. "Ri-an..." He hiccupped, sniffling. "Who is this?" Rian asked, sounding concerned. "I-It's A-lex... P-please do-on't hang up..." He pleaded, starting to cry once again. "Alex? I don't..." there was a small silence before he continued, "Are you crying?" Alex sniffled and nodded, forgetting that Rian couldn't see him. He seemed to understand anyway, because he sighted and asked, "what happened? Are you in trouble?" Sounding annoyed. Alex was already way too hurt to actually care, he was extremely grateful that he hadn't hung up yet. "I-I do-on't know!" He exclaimed and breathed a little, trying to calm down, "Jack hates me and Zack does as well, and I bet you do too and I don't know what's happening!" he cried into the phone. "Alex... You know what you did, I have no idea why you are acting like you were the one who got hurt" he huffed. "I... What?" He did something, something bad. Everything that was happening was his fault. "I hurt Jack?" He said under his breath. Rian started taking once again, startling him, "Alex... Where are you?". He glanced around until he saw the small label on the edge of the road "Lawnside Road". "Okay, Alex, stay there I'm coming to get you" Rain said and hung up.

~~~

  
"So you really can't remember?" Rian questioned, re-reading the hospital papers once again. He hadn't believed him at first, but he couldn't actually keep saying it after reading exactly what the doctor had to say. Alex shook his head, no and shrugged. He was in Rian's living room, gripping on a pillow that was already wet from crying on it. Rian refused to tell him what he had done, and Alex wasn't going to beg. He felt a little curious, sure, but if it was so bad that got Jack to hate him then he really didn't want to know. "Anything at all of the past 11 months… one of the last things I remember was leaving Jack's house a few days after his birthday."  
  
Mentioning Jack was what hurt him most. They had been friends for, like, fifteen years, and somehow he had ruined it all in a few months. Was he really that stupid? He never would have imagined finding something that was worth enough to lose their friendship. Some people say that maybe either of them could fall in love, but he thought that he couldn't love a girl that didn't like Jack in the first place.  
  
"So… why did you help me?" Alex asked, sounding genuinely curious. "A lot of shit may have happened in the last few months Alex… but I have known you for more than ten years, and you just sounded so lost and helpless, I couldn't just… leave you there" Rian explained, giving Alex a small smile. That smile that always made him feel better. "Thanks Rian… I don't know what I would have done without you." Rian hugged him briefly, "How's your head?" he asked while pulling away. "It's fine, the place where the stitches were hurts a little, but the doctor said its normal" Rian nodded , reading one last time Alex's papers. "It doesn't say here how you fell down, though" Alex shrugged, looking down, "I asked Lisa and Matt, but they said I was already unconscious when they found me… can I stay here tonight? I would like to stay somewhere familiar" he pleaded, looking at Rian with sad eyes. "But what about your hous- oh, yeah, nevermind, sure you can stay here, I'll bring you a blanket and some sweatpants" Alex thanked him and laid down on the couch, trying his best to remember, but it was useless.


	4. Thanks, Rian

"This is where I live?!" Alex exclaimed, getting out the car and staring at the big house, "how could I afford this place? It's huge!" He exclaimed happily, running inside. Rian laughed at Alex's excitement, "That's what she said." Alex chuckled and smiled at him. Rian still felt a little uncomfortable with having Alex around, but he missed the old Alex, and he was determined to make him stay.

 

"Uhm... You won the lottery, but you actually bought this before that... Uh, Jack helped you with the money" he said, and he wasn't lying, he just wasn't telling him the complete truth. The night before Alex had cried for hours, mainly for what Jack had screamed at him. He was scared that Jack would hate him forever. At some point of the night, Rian had convinced him that Jack would listen and forgive him, but he wasn't so sure about that. "I won the lottery?! Really? Fuck yeah!" He tried to open the door and luckily it was unlocked. The place looked nice, but for some reason, it felt empty. It was way too big for only one person. "I'll go look around!" he explained, running upstairs like a kid with sugar overload.  Rian started looking around as well, just a little more relaxed. He found Alex in his living room, admiring his own TV. He chuckled at the sight and kept walking around. "I HAVE A NEW GUITAR! HELL YEAH!" Alex yelled and making Rian chuckle.

 

~~~

 

Rian had stayed with him all afternoon, as Alex had insisted to tell him about the eleven months he had missed, at least the good stuff. Apparently, Rian and Cassadee had gotten married ("Finally!" he exclaimed), Zack was still single and Jack was dating a girl named Holly. Rian said she was too old for him, but Alex didn't really care much as long as he was happy. Rian had asked if his head still hurt, and if he really didn't remember anything at all. Not even little snippets. "Nothing at all. It feels weird, you know… like, for me, a week ago I was with Jack, consoling him because his girlfriend had broken up with him. I don't even feel like I've forgotten something" Alex sighted, sipping his cup of coffee. "I'm so sorry, Alex…" Rian said, not really knowing how to make him feel better. That used to be Jack's work. "Rian… I know you rather wait before telling me what happened, but… I just really need to know this…" Alex started and Rian burrowed his eyebrows, staring at him with confusion, "Did I have a drug problem? Like, did I become an addict?" he asked nervously. Rian's eyes widened and he gulped silently, he shook his head slightly and shrugged at the same time. "Are you sure? When I… When I went to Jack's place he yelled that h-he didn't…" he took a deep breath "… he didn't care if I was in trouble with drug dealers." Rian leaned and hugged him, giving him an apologetic smile, "You did have a few problems, but you didn't become addicted, thanks god." Alex nodded, hugging him back.

 

"I have to call Lisa" he said suddenly, pulling away, "I totally forgot… she's gonna kill me" he chuckled. Rian lent him his phone and he took the small piece of paper with Lisa's and Matt's phone numbers. He dialed, "Hello Lisa!" he exclaimed, but as soon as she started talking he had to take the phone away from his ear because she wasn't talking, she was yelling, "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! I WAS HORRIBLY WORRIED, ALEXANDER!" "Breath Lisa, I'm fine… I had some trouble and I was pretty out of myself, but I'm good now, really" he lied, he wasn't fine. His best friends hated him, for fuck's sake. She sighted into the phone, "Just, don't leave me waiting like that, okay? I tend to worry too much." Alex agreed and promised. They chatted for a while, but he didn't tell her about the whole Jack and Zack incident. He didn't want her to worry even more. After he ended the call, he texted Matt, knowing that he would be satisfied with only being informed that Alex was still alive. "I'm glad someone took you to the hospital… and visited you and shit" Rian said when Alex gave him his phone back, "They're nice guys" Alex said, giving him a small smile. "I missed you" Rian almost whispered, but Alex heard. He leaned and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Ri" he mumbled, and repeated it continuously. He obviously had no idea why he was apologizing, but he felt like it was the right thing to do. God knows what he had done to his friends, and out of the three, Rian was the only one who took him back in. Alex was forever in debt with him.

 

"Its getting kinda late… maybe I should head back home" Rian said, pulling away. Alex nodded and smile, "Maybe you could, uhm… explain Cass? She was one of my best friends, I would really like her to know, even if she won't forgive me" Alex said, mumbling the last part. Rian smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder "She will, Alex, you'll see. You know how much she loved you and cared about you. I probably wouldn't have had the guts to propose to her in the first place if it wasn't for you." Alex smiled at that, 'well, at least I did something good' he thought. "Thanks for everything Ri… really" he smiled, walking him to the door. "Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own?" Rian asked, concerned. "I'll be fine, really… not get the fuck out of my house!" Alex exclaimed, pushing Rian out the door. He laughed and hit Alex's shoulder, but not hard enough to hurt him. "Asshole… hey, one last thing. I was wondering if you could give me Matt's and Lisa's numbers, I need to thank them" Alex rolled his eyes, but ran inside to copy the numbers on another piece of paper anyway. "Remember you can call me whenever you need" 


	5. Long Time, No See

Alex sat on his bed, only staring at the wall. It probably was like 2 or 3am, but he could really care less. He had tried to contact some of his friends, or well, the people who used to be his friends. Apparently, he had stopped speaking to most of the people he was closest to, including his family, so he felt really lost. Rian had been helping him a lot during the week, but its not like they could spent every second together. Rian still had his own life, and he wasn't going to abandon it just because his 'friend is feeling lost'. Lisa and Matt had also visited him once, but he didn't have the guts to tell them about what he was going through. He knew that they would try and help him, but they would have to spend way too much time with him, and he didn't want to be a burden.

He visited his old neighborhood a few times, obviously avoiding Jack's and Zack's streets. It was slightly relaxing just going to the park and sit on one of the swings for a while. He missed that place already, even if he had only lived in his new house for a week. It was only around twenty-five minutes away in car, but it wasn't the same thing. It was weird not spending every minute of free time with Jack. Unconsciously, he moved his hand up to wipe the tears he hadn't even noticed until then. He was crying, again. Everything was overwhelming, too much to take in such little time. What had he done that ruined his whole life? He promised himself that he would never get involved with drugs again (even though he didn't remember the first time he did) and make sure to fix every problem with friends and family while it was still insignificant; but it had only been a week since he was released from the hospital and he was pretty sure that fixing everything would take him a bit more time than a week. It would take him probably like a year or two, maybe more.

~~~

"So… you don't remember any thing at all. That explains last week's visit to my place…" Austin said, staring at him. Alex had seen him walking his dog in the park and decided to talk to him. Austin was always nice and he could never be mad at somebody for too long. "Yeah… the doctor said I was lucky I even survived the fall, I hit my head pretty hard" he shrugged, looking down, "I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry, I really am… I just… I really need people to 'recreate' my memories. At least the good ones." Austin smiled sadly at him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "I would love to help, Alex." Alex grinned and gave him a brief hug, "Thank you so so much, Austin" he said as he pulled away. They talked for a while, until Austin had to leave.

Alex stayed in the park, not really doing anything, just sitting there thinking. He wondered about his future life. During the last two weeks, he hadn't thought much about what was going to happen next. Maybe he would meet a cute girl and get married? Or just die alone, depressed over the fact that everyone hated him. He didn't really like either of the idea. For most people, getting married would be a dream, something they would wish for during all of their lives, or at least for most of it. But not for Alex. He was incapable of being tied up with only one person for too long. Sure, he couldn't think of life without his friends (although he should get started), but having a serious relationship with someone was a completely different thing.

Austin hadn't told him much of his old life and Alex didn't dare to ask for more. "Was I really that much of an asshole?" he thought out-loud, covering his face with his hands. "You were? Since when you stopped being one?" Alex was startled, not really expecting someone to answer him. "Long time, no see" Alex looked up, but didn't answer, just stared at the guy in front of him. "Long time, no see" Zack said, expressionless, scaring Alex a little.

And he was completely right about being scared, because he wasn't expecting being back in the hospital so soon, just that this time, with a broken nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its so short :/


	6. Who Told You I Was Going To Be Okay?

"I know you are mad at him, Zack, I am too, but it wasn't necessary to break his nose!" Jack sighted into the phone, "I know he's an asshole! Everyone knows that, but really, you could just ignore him, he-… he called you? Why would he do that?" A few nurses glared at him and shushed him for being too loud. "But what did he say?" he said, trying to speak lower. He frowned when Zack explained what happened. "Yeah… no, I'm gonna leave as soon, you know I can't really see him without wanting to push him off the widow… The doctor said he had a few bruises as well... No no, he's gonna be fine, Zacky, don't worry. He deserved it, anyway" He sighted once again, and mumbled a small bye into the phone as soon as Zack had finished talking.  
  
Hanging up, he scanned the place, looking for the nurse that he had seen earlier in Alex's room. He spotted the redheaded talking to a doctor at the end of corridor and walked over to her. "Hey… I, uh, I'm here for Alex? Is he awake now?" She gave him a warm smile and nodded, "Yeah, he woke up a fifteen minutes ago… I'm going to tell him you're here…" she said and started moving towards Alex's room, but Jack stopped her quickly. "No! No… that won't be necessary…" he said, forcing out a smile. She looked really confused by his reaction, "but he was asking for you earlier… you know, to give him a ride home…" she mumbled, scratching the back of her neck, "You're Rian, right?" Jack frowned and shook his head "No, I'm Jack" why would Alex ask for Rian? "Oh! I'm so sorry! Well… I hope the other guy gets here quick, he looked kinda down" she sighted "I mean, the poor guy has gone twice to the hospital in less then a month. He was lucky that whoever hit him, didn't hit him way too hard, because it would have messed up the recovery of his head" she finished, checking some papers on her clipboard. "Wait… what are you talking about? He was in the hospital? What happened?" his eyes widened. Alex hurt his head? What? "Uhm, yeah… what's your full name? I can't really give you information about it without knowing who you are" Jack felt very confused by now. Had it really been that bad? "Uhm… Jack Bassam Barakat?" The nurse quickly checked her clipboard and smiled. "You're not family, but he has you as one of the emergency numbers, so I guess I can tell you" Alex never asked to change his number? 'He probably forgot he had me…' he thought, "He uh… he fell off a bridge, hit his head… he was lucky he was alive. He was in a comma for around two weeks, but stayed in the hospital a week after that for his head to head… and in suicide watch" she finished, giving Jack a sad smile "We tried calling all his emergency numbers when he woke up, but all of the numbers were disconnected, so we really couldn't contact anyone" Jack felt like he was sick. Alex tried to kill himself. He felt his eyes started to water and he had to look away, he hated when people saw him cry. He was covering his mouth with his hand, afraid that if he took his hand away he would start sobbing. Alex actually tried to kill himself and he didn't even know he has been in a comma for half a month.  
  
"Hey, I'm here to pick up Alex?" Jack heard someone say, "Sure, room 214" a nurse answered and suddenly someone was pushing past him, going to Alex's room. Jack didn't move a finger to try and catch Rian's attention, just stared at his back as he entered the room. Jack was still in shock, he still didn't want to see Alex's face, but he wanted to hear his voice, make sure he was okay. That's why he was at the hospital anyway, but he had planned on quickly checking on him and leaving before Alex even knew he was there. But now? Now he was scared and lost, and he had no idea what to do, so he just stayed there, staring at nothing, with his eyes watery and his mouth half open until a nurse asked him to move from the corridor.  
  


~~~

  
"So, how's your head, fucktard?" Rian asked, chuckling, as soon as he entered the room. Alex grinned and waved "Well, the doctor said the wound is healing just fine, and I luckily I didn't land head-first when I blacked out" he shrugged. "Did you bring my clean shirt?" Rian nodded and threw him a random shirt he found at Alex's place. "And how's everything going?" Rian asked, this time sounding worried. "Well… I've been trying to contact all the people I used to know, but it hasn't been easy," he sighted, looking down, "I uh… I saw Zack earlier today." Rian's eyes got wide and just stared at him for a few seconds before he started talking, "You did? Did you guys like have a conversation or something like that?" Alex looked down and shrugged, "He did speak to me, but I didn't really had the chance to answer…" he explained quietly. "What do you mean with-" but the pieces connected before he could even finish talking. "Oh" he mumbled, not really knowing what to say. "But don't tell the doctor or nurse or whatever, I really don't want him to get in trouble" he said with pleading eyes. He looked genuinely sorry, even though Zack had been the one who hit him. "I still don't understand what made you change so drastically" Rian said without thinking. Alex frowned "What do you mean, am I too different?" "Uh, no… I mean… You had changed a lot before the accident, its hard to explain" It wasn't hard at all, Rian just didn't want to. "Oh, okay, whatever… I'm just tired and want to go home and sleep" Rian sighted in relief when Alex dropped the subject and nodded, walking out the hospital room, Alex following.  
  


~~~

  
"Thanks for the ride, Ri! See ya!" he waved, as Rian left in his car. He sighted and rubbed his nose a little, wanting to rip the bandage off. He had fixed his house a little. Added some color to his room, decorated various walls with old pictures of his friends and family he had found in a random box in his closet. It felt slightly more like home. Throwing himself in the couch he turned on the TV and started changing the channels, not really finding anything that he liked. He stopped when he came across Adventure Time, grinning. The show always reminded him of Jack. He had a small obsession with it and Alex always found it cute. It made Jack act like a small kid whenever it was on and always forced Alex to watch it with him. He sighted and hugged his knees, watching, but note really paying attention to the program.  
  
He was startled when the doorbell rang. Nobody visited him, or at least not during the last week. "Rian? Is that you?" he called. He knew it wasn't Lisa or Matt, because they would have called him before visiting. "Uhm… no…" Was that… was that Jack? Was that really Jack? Alex got up so quick, he ended up knocking down the coffee table next to the couch. His leg was pretty much in pain now, but ignored it and ran towards the door as fast as he could. He opened the door and was about to just hug the hell out of the lanky boy in front of him, but stopped himself just in time. "Ja-Jack?" he asked, panting because of the small race to the door. "Hey Alex" he whispered, looking everywhere but at him. "What are you… Sorry… Uhm… Do you wanna come in? It's kinda cold" Jack nodded and entered, automatically noticing the pictures. "How have you been?" Alex asked awkwardly. The younger boy just shrugged, still looking around the place. "Are you hungry? I could cook something if you want, let me just-" but he was cut short by Jack, who hadn't even  _faked_  a smile since he got there, "Why did you do it?" Alex frowned, "What… what do you mean? I haven't done anything… I mean, I'm really sorry for whatever happened before, but I swear I'm trying to fix things" he rambled. Jack suddenly looked angry, and Alex unconsciously moved backwards. He had enough with a broken nose, he didn't really need new wounds. "Oh, you're sorry?! Do you actually think doing such thing would have made me forgive you?! You're still a fucking self-centered asshole, you know" he yelled. Alex's back hit the wall, and closed his eyes, waiting for the first punch. "Do you actually think that I would be okay with you gone?! That I would be okay knowing that I would never see you again?!" Alex was really confused now. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Jack with his hands covering his face and sniffling softly. Alex considered hugging him, but thought that it wasn't really a good idea. "Jack… I… I don't really know what you're talking about… s-sorry" That's when Jack looked up, looking angrier than ever, and yelled "STOP FUCKING SAYING YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY, ALEXANDER, THAT'S JUST A WORD AND IT WON'T MAGICALLY FIX THE WOUND ON YOUR HEAD!" Jack had his face flushed from the anger and his eyes red from crying. "How do you know about that? And what does it has to do with this? Because, as far as I know, it happened  _after_  we fought…" Alex said softly, looking down, trying to stay calm. "After we  _fought_? Did you actually just say that? I mean, if you want to call the break-up a 'fight', well then-" Alex snapped his head up, with his eyes wide "Break-up? Jack, really, what are you talking about? What break-up?" Jack was trying to breath and calm down. He wiped the tears and took a deep breath "Alex… please, I just… I know we were never…" sight "… I know we were never actually official, but you could  _at least_  acknowledge we dated" What? "Jack… I don't know! I don't remember anything!" Jack broke down and started sobbing loudly, but before Alex could do anything about it, he was running out the door and out of his sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to post the chapter on here! I so fucking sorry :( I don't know why, I thought I did...
> 
> EITHER WAY I hope you guys like it


	7. What Did I Do?

"For fuck's sake! Why the fuck is he so desperate to talk to you?!" Cassadee exclaimed, covering her face with her hands in annoyance, "just answer your fucking phone, the mood's ruined anyway." Rian kissed her cheek, "Sorry, honey" he whispered softly against her skin. She smiled a little and looked down, "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything, okay? I'll try to ignore the sexual frustration by eating a gallon of ice cream" she said, before putting her shirt back on and walking out the room.

Rian sighted and took his phone, checking the caller ID. It read 'Jack', so he had supposed he had been calling to ask him to hang out, or just to tease him if he was bored. The thing is, Jack never tried this much, normally he would call once or twice (just in case Rian didn't hear his phone, or didn't catch it on time), three times was too much (maybe Zack couldn't hang out and he was really, **really** bored), but _four_ times? Yeah, it must be something really important.

"What's up man?" he said into the phone, but was only answered with loud sobs and incomprehensible words. Rian did get some of the stuff he was saying, but he couldn't really connect the dots. "Wow, Jack, slow down, you're gonna drown on your own words" he said, and waited and Jack took stopped and took a deep breath, " _Why i-is he thi-is wa-y, Ri? I-I ju-st don't under-understand…_ " he hiccupped, as he tried to stop crying, only making it worse. "Jack, what are you talking about? _who_ are you talking about?" Rian said warily, thinking his words slowly, careful not to say anything that may make Jack feel worse. Jack was a like a little kid when he had this kind of 'breakdown scenes'. Well, Jack acted kind of like a kid _always_ , but he could control himself when others weren't there to calm him down, _except_ these days; the days that he felt so sad or angry (or a mixture of the two) enough to cry. He cried and yelled and told anyone he wanted them to leave him alone, but longed a hug more than anything. A long time ago, Alex was there to kiss it better. He always knew what to do and what to say, he was the only one who could truly make Jack feel good once again. That's why Jack never truly got better after Alex. No one knew what to do and he didn't know how to accept anyone else in, either. Zack and Rian usually managed to keep him from feeling this way, but its not like they can keep an eye on him every minute of everyday day.

"Okay, Jack, you need to breath, try to calm down a little." There was heavy breathing on the other side of the line and then silence. Rian took that as the signal to keep talking, "I'm coming over, Jack, why don't you call Zack, did you try to talk to him already?" Rian asked slowly. " _N-no… I t-t-tried ca-calling Ho-olly, but she did-dn't answer_ " he was clearly still crying, but apparently he calmed down a little. "I'll be there in a minute, drink water and lay down and stuff, okay? Bye Jack…" Jack mumbled a small 'bye' before hanging up. Rian sighted, grabbed the first jeans he saw and quickly explained everything to his wife. He ran out their house, hopping in the jeans as he got in the car.

~~~

Jack was asleep in the couch, with a spoon in one hand and a half-eaten jar of Nutella in the other. Rian was cleaning the last few used tissues that were scattered around on the floor. They hadn't talked much at all. Jack hit him as soon as he crossed the door and then threw himself to Rian, clutching his shirt tightly in his hands and cried to his chest. He continuously yelled how _'he's an idiot'_ and how _'he's so self-centered'_. He also scolded Rian to talking to him once again. It took a while for Rian to actually understand who Jack was talking about. Zack had passed by, leaving a bunch of food. He was an extremely nice guy, but he wasn't really good with feelings and he knew that he would end up crying as well, and what Jack needed right then was someone strong and stable.

Some people stop eating when they feel down, but Jack wasn't one of them. He always found comfort in food. He ate a whole pizza by himself, two or three bowls of ice-cream and finished drowning in his sorrows with a jar of Nutella. It was really weird seeing such a skinny guy eat that much. Rian ended up eating cereal, because Jack looked so sad and mad that Rian was afraid that the younger boy would get even more upset if he took a piece of pizza.

"Jack?" Rian whispered, placing his hand on Jack's shoulder, "Jack, are you asleep?" he tried again. He knew Jack was sleeping, but he wanted to make sure anyway. He took the jar and spoon from Jack and went to put them back in the kitchen, before grabbing his cellphone and dialing Alex's number. He still didn't have a cellphone (it was probably somewhere in his house, but Alex had been too lazy to look for it) so he hoped he was still in his house. It rang three times before Alex, sounding pretty wrecked, picked it up " _Hello?_ " he practically whispered into the phone. He probably couldn't really speak any louder. "Alex, its me" Rian, also whispering, but just because he didn't want to wake Jack up. " _Rian… fuck, I don't know what to do anymore, I want to fix things, but I don't think its possible anymore, I don't… shit, he hates me so much_ " he mumbled quietly. "What happened, Alex? Jack was sobbing... What did you do?" Rian questioned, sounding a bit too harsh. " _YOU KNOW I have no fucking idea! He just came here and I was so, so happy when I saw him, but then he started fighting and I didn't know what to do and I just want things back to normal..._ " He trailed off and Rian felt bad, but after everything that happened with Jack, he was scared that Alex would remember and be an asshole once again. Rian briefly checked the living room to make sure Jack was still asleep, "Okay… can you please tell me exactly what happened?" he asked. " _I'm not sure… he was yelling at me for something I did, but I'm not exactly sure what… He started saying how 'doing that wouldn't have made him forgive me'_ " he sighted, sniffling. " _What did I do Rian?_ " he sounded so desperate and hurt, and Rian knew he couldn't keep avoiding the question.


	8. It Was All His Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Re-wrote part of the last chapter, so make sure you read that first

" _You guys started dating like two weeks after Jack's break-up…_ " Rian started, sounding nervous, " _…it was nothing serious, apparently it all started with a drunken fuck or something like that. Jack hadn't gotten over his other Michelle and you decided that maybe by keeping his mind on something else, he would be able to forget her._ " Alex was trying to relate Rian's word with Jack's, but still couldn't understand much. "So, we were kind of fuck buddies?" he asked. Rian sighted, " _I guess you could say that. It was never meant to mean anything, at least that's what you used to say, but it got to the point were your relationship meant twice as much to Jack… and half as much to you_ " he said, whispering the last part.

He wasn't expecting that. Did Jack fell for him? He couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to think that messing around with Jack would make him feel better, something just didn't make any sense. " _You started dating a girl, I forgot her name already, and Jack wasn't happy about it. He accused you of cheating, and you both yelled things at each other we all know neither of you meant, but Jack took everything pretty seriously…_ " he explained. Alex really did hurt Jack. He _knew_ how attached Jack always got in his relationships, why would he be so stupid? That clearly wasn't everything, because he didn't think that something like that would make so many people hate him, but that's all he needed to know. "Didn't know he liked guys too… hell, I didn't know _I_ like guys. It's really weird thinking about it" Alex sighted. 

~~~ 

"Rian…Where's the Nutella? Who are you talking to?" Jack said as he entered the kitchen eyeing Rian suspiciously. "Oh! Jack, you're awake! I'm just talking to Cass, she was telling me to buy some milk before I got back home…" he smiled, "okay, babe, Jack woke up, so I'll see you later, kay?" Alex forced out a small laugh, " _sure, whatever... Thanks for the help, I really don't know what I would do without you._ " Rian smiled apologetically, and mumbled a small 'bye' before hanging up. 

"I don't understand why you're helping him" Jack sighted, looking at Rian, "I mean… that jackass just pretended that nothing _ever_ happened. As if he could fix everything just clapping his hands." Rian shrugged, staring at his feet, "I thought my lie was believable" he said, chuckling a little. "I would have, but I heard most of the conversation" Jack shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. "It's hard to explain, Jack… I think you should talk to him. It's better if he tells you instead of me." 

"I don't care what he has to say, Rian! He ruined my whole life, everything that happened its his own fault!" Jack practically yelled before covering his face with his hands. "He messed me up, but I still care about him. Why do I still care? Why can't I just let him go?" he mumbled. "You fell for him, Jack… there's nothing you could do." Jack looked up and shook his head, "I fell out of love quite a while ago, but even though I don't love him, he still means a lot to me." Rian smiled apologetically, "if that's true, maybe you should give him a chance… He's changed, trust me" 

Jack stared at the wall thinking for a few seconds, but shrugged it off. "I'm gonna go to Holly's, talk to you later… thanks for coming, by the way. Tell Cass I'm sorry I took you away from her" he said and walked out the door.


End file.
